SPORTSBEAT BY PETER JAKEY: Wacky predictions for ’05

It was an exciting year in sports in 2004. The Pistons won the NBA championship by showing teamwork and tough defense go a lot farther than out-of-control superstars. The Red Sox celebrated their first World Series championship since 1918 and provided some of the best fall drama I can remember since 1984. Thanks for coming back and turning the Yankees on their ears. If I had told you a year ago that the Yankees would be one win away from advancing to the World Series, but Boston would come back and win four straight, you probably would have thought I was nuts.

Well, it got me thinking of some way-out-and-wacky predictions for the New Year. The Red Sox winning the World Series in ’04 would have been one. Could some of these come true? Who knows? I’ll go down the list a year from now and we’ll put check marks by some of the stories that come true.

…Tom Brady leads the New England to the Super Bowl, where the Patriots defeat the Philadelphia Eagles, 66-3. Brady then signs with the Detroit Lions. Joey Harrington loses his spot as a quarterback for Detroit and is regulated to placing field goal snaps. He is booed from the field and never heard of again after trying to throw a touchdown pass off a bad snap, but instead tosses a 109-yard interception return for a touchdown, the longest in the history of NFL. The Lions of course blow the game.

…The entire USC college football team enters the NFL draft as a new franchise and goes 12-4 in its first season.

The Lions finish with a 6-10 record and miss the playoffs again. That’s right, even with Tom Brady. …The Michigan High School Athletic Association is forced to switch the baseball and softball seasons to the fall and football to the spring, because some parents of ball players downstate sue the MHSAA because they believe it’s not fair that football players get to play in warm conditions in August and September. The high school football season begins Friday, April 8 in 60 degree weather, two days after a foot-and-a-half of snow falls on the county.

…Central Michigan University wins the NCAA championship, defeating the Duke Blue Devils, 78-52.

…Randy Johnson and the Yankees do not agree on a new contract, nixing the trade from Arizona. He instead signs with the Tigers. Johnson strikes out 200 batters and throws three no-hitters by the all-star break in cavernous Comerica Park.

…Engineers discover contractors used shoddy materials on Comerica Park and condemn the facility, forcing Tiger officials to move back to the corner of Michigan and Trumbull. Detroit draws three million fans and wins 120 games.

…A judge reinstates Indiana Pacer Ron Artest in May, but he is suspended after hitting the Phoenix Suns gorilla mascot with a chair. This allows Artest to resume promoting his rap album, which has sold 599 copies in his hometown and 24 worldwide.

…Rogers City High School changes its school colors from orange and black, to black and white after a lawsuit is filed by a color-blind man, who didn’t believe it was fair that other people could see orange and he couldn’t. It forces other schools to reconsider color changes.

…Spartan basketball coach Tom Izzo takes over for Piston coach Larry Brown, who decides to retire, but instead of quitting the MSU job, Izzo decides to coach both teams. The decision is made easier when the NCAA decides to move the men’s basketball season to the summer, in the fear of getting sued. The tournament is moved from March to August, leaving the NCAA with the tough position of changing its trademark-protected “March Madness” to “Awesome Basketball in August.”

; Eventually they decide on “Great Basketball This Time of Year,” in case the season is moved again.

…Depleted by injuries, Michigan turns to weight coach Andy Lewandowski to join the Wolverine defense in the Ohio State game. Lewandowski, who was given the nickname “Hacksaw” by former Huron football coach Bob Brietzke, makes a touchdown-saving tackle to help clinch the win over the rivals from Ohio.

…Tiger owner Mike Ilitch changes the name of his club to the Wayne County Tigers of Detroit. They throw out the old English “D” and replace it with “WC.”

…The NHL strike continues into its second season as players once again reject a salary cap. Even an offer of free Krispy Kreme donuts in the locker-room of every game is not enough to move them from their position. Life goes on for the average fan. And that’s probably the only prediction on this list that will probably come true.

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